Do not eat food off your butt

These are a few words I would have never guessed I would have said but today this is exactly what I said to my 2 year old.  I found her with her pull up off sitting on her jelly toast which was on the table and she was laughing a deep joyful laugh at the situation.  I confess I wanted to bust out laughing but instead I said, "That is so gross do not put your butt on the table and especially not on your food."  In the next second she stood up, wiped the jelly off her butt with her hand and ate it.   I realized both my kids were watching me and if I did not handle this well I was sure to find many naked butts in food and then consumed over the next several weeks.  I did not get to riled instead I made my statement of disgust and wiped the jelly off her butt.  She continued her joyful laugh not realizing just how gross it was to eat  food off her butt.
Okay so if that is not bad enough are you ready for the I'm a really great Mom part?  Later that day a friend was over and I was retelling the story and when I got to the part about cleaning the jelly off her butt I realized I never took the toast away from her and she ate it.  I allowed my child to eat butt jelly toast.  I was grossed out when I realized what I had done but it was done, she had already consumed butt toast and there was nothing I could do about it but laugh my own deep down belly laugh.  I cannot believe I allowed my child to sit her naked but on her toast, eat the jelly off her butt and then eat the toast and the worst part is that it never occurred to me to throw the toast in the trash until several hours later.
A few other things I have said this week that I could have never guessed would come out of my mouth were, "no you can not wear an adult seat belt it will break your neck" only to have my two year old repeat to everyone that she is going to get a broken neck.  I also said this week, in our attempt to potty train, that "if poop goes in your pants first and then you dump it into the potty that does not count as pooping in the potty and no you can not have  a treat."  In an attempt to reiterate my point I said, "The poop must go from your butt into the potty and touch nothing else in order to get a treat."  I told my kids for the first time  if they did not stop fighting in the car I was going to pull over and although I had no idea what I was going  to do if I did pull over the threat worked.
Oh the words of a stay at home Mom who is just trying to figure it out and make it through each day with a good laugh, a warm heart, and more or less grace.