It was with a heavy heart that I sent Symeon to his first day of preschool this past week but the whole time I was reminded of my prayer for him when I was pregnant. I would pray everyday on my walk to work that God would help me to hold this child loosely knowing that this baby was God's first and that he wasn't mine to hold tightly to but rather mine to love, encourage, support, teach, and release. Whenever Symeon tells me he is scared I tell him that he is never alone that God is always with him and that belief I have for him was put to the test when I left him at preschool. Could I not be scared? Could I trust that the God who gave me this baby loved him before me and more than me? Could I believe that I did not have to worry because God is always with Symeon when I am not? Could I hold him loosely and do what was best for him setting aside my own fears knowing he has been entrusted to me to do what is best for him? And the answer was and is yes I could do all those things because I love him and because I do believe that God is ever present with him.
Shawn and I have struggled with this decision and even up until the night before I thought maybe we were making a mistake by sending him to a cute little preschool down the street from our house. In my mind I had turned every other 3 year old in his class into Satan. I have always wanted Symeon to be himself and express himself in a way that works for him but when I had to steer him away from a bright purple backpack and purple sparkle shoes explaining for the first time that some thing are for girls and some things for boys I was saddened. Luckily a fire engine backpack won out over purple and he moved on with life. It seems like such a short time that we have been his primary influence and now I am suppose to send him off into the world without me. Shawn did remind me that we were not sending him to college just to a play based preschool down the street for 6 hours a week.
In the weeks leading up to his first day we visited his school multiple times met the teachers and played with the school bunny Petunia who hops around all day long from class to class. Symeon loved it and was so excited to go that I also became excited for him. I took a step back and realized this was not about me this was about him and his journey and my role was to support, encourage, love, and most importantly give him space to be himself and then tell me all about it. There are many reasons that Shawn and I feel like this is the right decision for Symeon. I feel good about our decision and know in my heart we are doing what is in his best interest although on the first day when he woke up I thought if he cries once I will not make him go but he didn't cry he wanted to get dressed and go to school and he did great.
His teacher reminds me of my dear college friend and I kept telling myself you can leave him with Amos he will be fine. The assistant in his room is a grandmother type who obviously loves kids and when she said good-bye to Symeon she touched his face and he didn't jerk away like he does with some people she had made it into his inner circle and so quickly. He did not shed a tear when I left and his teacher said she had no concerns about his adjustment. He tells me lots of stories of his day when he comes home and I soak every morsel of this new found adventure and excitement.
I want to write down the first day so I don't forget what it was like for him, for Shawn, for me and especially for Babes McGee who took her brother going to school without her the hardest.
Symeon woke up excited and got dressed for school. He had a normal morning while I on the other hand was sick to my stomach and nervous for him. I was dreading that walk into the building and releasing this dear sweet guy, who all of a sudden looked like a baby, to people I really did not know well. When it was time to go we helped him get on his backpack and although you are not suppose to bring toys to school we stuffed his Cat in the Hat into the bottom of his ban but we explained he could not come out of his bag because cats weren't allowed in school. Well Marin also wanted her backpack on and I took the opportunity to remind her that she was not going to be staying at school to which she said otay and I thought sure.
We took pictures of him on the front porch with his backpack and drove to his school 2 minutes down the street. I had a death grip on his hand as we crossed the street and entered the building and I thought no one is going to pry this child out of my hand but as we reached the door to his classroom he released my hand and although it took everything I had I released his as well. No one had to pry his hand out of mine I let it go because I loved him enough to let go he was excited and I was not going to rob him of that joy. He hung up his backpack on a hook and Marin wanted to hang hers up next to him. I told her I would hold her bag since she would not be staying she did not respond but rather walked away and began playing with all the other kids and I though oh no this is not good. We hung around for about a half and hour while the kids explored the room and met a few other parents. Then when circle time began we hugged him and kissed him good-bye and reassured him that we would be back to pick him up in a few hours. He said bye Mom and then joined the other kids in his class on the rug in a circle.
Meanwhile Shawn had to carry Marin out of the room screaming and crying she was only child crying because she had to leave not because she had to stay. I stood at the door and watched him for a minute and he looked fine as the tears began to roll down my face. Then I turned to look down the hall and there was Babes in her Daddy's arms reaching and calling for her brother never was there a sadder sight to see. I went to her and she clung to me crying while Shawn walked back to Symeon's door and watched him and then he turned to me with tears in his eyes and we walked out of the school. I was crying, Shawn was teary eyed, Babes was sobbing, and the only person not crying was Symeon and I was so glad.
Poor Babes she cried off and on for the next three hours saying things like I need my brother, I no go with Mama and Dada I stay with my brother, at times she would say I need my brother to help me and then she would begin sobbing all over again. The entire 3 hours he was gone she sobbed or cried or called for him. It was terrible because often she would get me crying again and then we would hug each other and cry. Finally when it was time to pick him up she jumped out of the car and ran to his door and bust right into the circle time to find him. We held her off until it was over and when he saw us he was so happy he wanted me to carry him which I was glad to do. It was good to feel him safe in my arms again. Babes kept saying I missed you brother and he said he missed her too. He was ready to go home and we were ready to have him home again. His teacher said he did great and she had no concerns about him or his behavior which was nice to hear. He said he had fun and as the day progressed and at bedtime when it was just Symeon and I he told me all about his day and I loved hearing it.
When he prayed that night he said, "God thank you for Mommy, Daddy, and Babes McGee I really missed them today. I really love Babes McGee I really missed her when I was at school and not with her. Amen" I assured him we missed him very much too. When Babes said her prayers that night she said, "Tank you for my brother I missed him when he at school, when I tree I go to school with brother and he help me at school. Amen" Overall it was blessed day for us all filled with grace.
The next morning when they both woke up and saw each other they hugged each other and gave each other a bunch of kisses and they were both saying I missed you brother, I missed you Babes and I was blessed to see how much they loved each other and what good friends they are becoming.
When did he get so big he looks like a little boy wearing his favorite soccer shirt which his teacher noticed right away and commented on, score one for her in his book.
The final backpack choice which only had Cat and a kid cliff bar in it just in case.
Oh the sweet duo who are rarely every apart. I know they both look like they are headed to school and in her mind they were.
Symeon with Dad and Mom
Babes with Mom since she was going to school as well, uh oh
A good fall down laugh before school is a great way to start your first day
Marin giving Symeon a little loving before he leaves
And there he goes up the steps to his first day of school
Exploring his classroom
Oh no she really thinks she is staying with her brother
Petunia the school bunny, later Marin put an action figure on her head and she just sat there
The position Babes assumed after we had to carry her out of brother's school sobbing. It took quite a bit of coaxing, reassuring, and holding to get her into the car only to have her sob the whole way home and most of the morning. It was so hard on her to be without Symeon and if truth be told I wanted to assume the same position. I just wanted to wait for him right outside the school door but it wasn't healthy for any of us to do that so we drove away and let him enjoy his first day of preschool.
